in looking at the original email that i sent SBC (see, "i did it!"--10 march 2004), i realized i had a typo:

subject: for my friend, (insert infiniti's match.com username)
my friend, (insert infiniti's real name with her username in parentheses) doesn't have the email function on here, but wanted to just give you her email address: (insert infiniti's personal email address). if you're interested, she liked to have you drop her a line.

thanks!

(insert triniti's real name with her match.com username in parentheses)

now, what was wrong with that? was it the past tense of "liked"? i used to want to have him write me, but i've changed my mind? i know that's nit picky, but with the lack of responses here on match.com, i can only obsess over spilt milk.

remember friendster? that was my first foray into this online networking thing. supposedly, it was less "sleazy" and "desperate" to sign on to these "friend of friends" things since you would only be cyber mingling with--you got it, friends of friends. yeah, that was until foolios started making it some kind of social ladder competition, where winners were rewarded with the most "friendsters." people would accumulate over 400 friends (like one of my "friendsters"), hence, creating a cyber network of over 2 million people. now, is that still "friend of friends?" to me, friendster is dead. my profile is still up, but who the hell looks at it other than me?

on friendster, you can specify if you were interested in: dating, serious relationship, friends and/or activity partners. "activity partners?" i had that on my profile for almost a year before i realized, i don't know what the hell that is! that, and no one ever contacted me to be their activity partner! perhaps it was too sexually suggestive.

friendster did spawn all these other "friend of friend" networks: myspace.com, ringo.com, and now, hi5.com. but, what i wanna know is, who's hooking up on friendster these days? anyone? anyone? let us know, we'd like to hear your story! (sorry, for the trash talk show announcement).

well, there are these two guys who "bookmarked" me. (on friendster, the equivalent to a "wink" is a "bookmark," where you can let a person know that "you've got your eye on them.") these guys have bookmarked me, but it's not like they sent me a message. why bookmark me?

the thing about online dating is that it can contribute to complacency. if someone sends you a message, you can write back, or not. it's not very likely that the person will find you and verbally bawl you out for being insensitive or neglectful or just plain anti-social. i can be pretty anti-social myself. who the hell would think online spaces would make me more social or interactive?

so trin, don't worry about the lack of email responses these past days. we all could just be lazy online networkers.

So I have this problem--
After replying to all three people I haven't received any responses. Am I being too eager? It's already been a few days and I haven't heard from anyone--
Am I being too obsessive?
Maybe this is speaking of my need to engage with people; I have to admit I always feel the need to meet people and talk about anything; the weather, sports, music, art, films, books.


On another note--ECC(East Coast Cutie), someone else I wrote to almost a MONTH ago, finally wrote back to me with this prolific email; it was great, really close to my interests.

Maybe I'm just prioritizing this just a bit too much; instead of checking my email for any responses the first thing in the morning or the last thing at night I resolve to check my email only a few times a day; and not think about these guys.

Any suggesstions?

yesterday, "sex? in THIS city's" "resident married gal pal" (the woman has yet to post on this site. "t," if you're reading, take this un-hint) suggested that trin and i peruse ethnic-specific dating sites. if we're having such a hard time being targeted by men of pallor and color with suspicious, possibly fetishistic intentions, why don't we "take it back home," go for our own... that type of thing. so, i did. and now, i don't think so. hell no. why is it, when i go to an online dating service site specifically for pin@ys, i see profiles of men who are not pinoy and who have headlines that say, "filipina women are so beautiful"? they don't look like me, i'm sure some of them may know some of our language and maybe eat our food, but they're not fooling me. i smell it. nasty, nasty. i don't think i want to make it any easier for these pale males. see if "L," here (see "my car broke down"--10 march 2004) really liked pacific islander women, he could go directly to these ethnic specific web sites and have a fuckin' ball. now, do i want him having the party, or me?

i haven't heard from SBC. perhaps, my email thing was too weird for him. maybe, he thinks i'm too cheap for not paying for the email service on match.com. well, i am. i'm not gonna lie. and i guess, if that's not attractive, then shit. maybe, he had something in his cyber eye, and that's why he winked back. which brings me to my other theory on why SBC hasn't written me back, yet.

KARMA

if you notice, there's a distinct difference in attitudes between triniti and infiniti in these posts (if you've been paying attention). triniti, has the more carefree attitude of "let's try it and see! i'm a winkin' fool! (wink, wink)." meanwhile, all my posts drip with "bitter? party of one? bitter? we got the back corner table facing the wall." on my nerve.com profile, as soon as i posted my humble request:

NOTE: i prefer men of color, please, and i prefer not to have to explain why.

--all the winking and the random messages STOPPED. (enter crickets). am i doing profile suicide on match.com, as well? hmmmm... or, am i doing euthanasia on myself? hmmmm... you be the judge.

Ok now things are starting to simmer a little bit---
Just a note: the names have been altered to protect the innocent.

I Got three messages: one from CR, Texas Sweetie, (TS), and Bay Area Hacker (BAH).

First: BAH:
He actually runs in the same circles as I do believe it or not. He passed me his number and I called him. We talked a lot about everything--he's a really sharp guy!

However we came around to the inevitable topic of casteism: He didn't really grasp the importance of being caste conscious, regardless of how oppressive casteist brahmins are here. We talked about it for a bit and I think he got the picture. We talked about other things, cryptography, tech activism, and brazil. I will definitely keep in touch with him because I still think he is a sharp guy and is into the same things I'm into; however, I just can't see myself 'dating' someone brahmin. And yes, I know this narrows my choices considerably,

Second: CR:
He wrote back last night but as I was trying to regulate my sleep pattern I decided to respond today. He talked about his time spent in Brazil; he also mentioned how he liked the movie 'Orfeu'-- 'In spite of its simplicity'

In spite of its simplicity?

I have to make sure that he is referring to the first movie, 'Orfeu Negro' One of the most beautiful movies I have seen about Brazil, and not the recent remake, which was, I will admit, a little cheesy (but still really good!) My work sounds 'intriguing ' to him, and he only responds to answers I ask him; he never really asks me questions, is he just really shy?

I feel like with this guy I am taking the initiative, which is fine but I feel like I need more feedback from him, does he think I am asking him too many questions?

Am I being too forward?

Third: TS
I got a message from TS today; really smart and witty; he's a Texan Transplant; although he's not Indian.
We'll see where that goes----

my new profile request finally got "approved" on match.com with my new request that i don't want any asian fetishists. however, (i doubt this was a computer glitch) it gets cut off:

PLEASE RESPECT that i only am interested in MEN OF COLOR between the AGES Of 27-35 and don't expect me to explain why, nor to respond to messages that ignore this. also, if you're a man of color only looking for "Asian/Pacific Islander" and you are NOT Asian or Pacific Islander--

yeah? and? well, then what? drop me a line? i guess the first part that didn't get cut off didn't reach anyone since i got another message from some pale dweeb with a vomitous message:

hey there. i really lilked your profile (and I love Pacific Islander women!!)

Maybe we can get together one of these days...

-L

one of these days? try in hell! yeah, that's right. for what does he love Pacific Islander women? did he really get off on seeing an off-Broadway rendition of "south pacific?" does he want me to sing fuckin' "happy happy talk?" forget michael moore, i need to write my own book about stupid white men and their oppressive sexual fetishes and fantasies. maybe these dip shits envision themselves as taking after the pedophiliac Hillblom from DHL. as i await car repairs, i am now helpless in defending myself from idiot men of pallor who KEEP sending me messages! GO AWAY!

with trinity's permission, i logged onto match.com with her username and used her free 3-day trial to send "south bay cutie" (aka "SBC") a message:

subject: for my friend (insert infiniti's username)
my friend (insert my real name) doesn't have the email function, but she wanted to give you her email address (insert email address). if you're interested she'd love to have you drop her a line.

thanks!

what was missing:

subject: the ruse begins here
hey! my name is infiniti posing as trinity and i'm currently pulling a "sybil" by pretending to write this email as a third party member trying to do myself a big, fat favor: land a date. so if you're interested, drop me a line! maybe i'll feign surprise that trinity did such a cool deed. what a pal!

i await my verdict.

all right... so, just when i thought i was gonna give up on the online dating thing, trinity convinced me to do, "one more search." that's right. that's the online cattle call practice of specifying preferences on some search engine and seeing what comes up. it's so similar to playing the slot machines i guess. i had been complaining all day about the slim pickin's on the internet and how i dreaded receiving messages from mr. "not in your lifers." but then, i found one guy. a south bay guy. a south bay filmmaker guy. so i winked (this is on match.com, fyi). twenty minutes later, he winks back. and then... dilemma. i don't have a paid account on match.com. in order to send him a message, i'd have to pay, or sign up for a free 3-day trial. i'm terrible with trial memberships. i always forget and then i get screwed with having to pay. but, trin, here. she's the savvy one who signed up for the trial. another option could be that i wink again and hopefully instigate some morse code communication (in the event that he, too, is just as cheap) and we hopefully can wink out each other's contact e-mail address. or... phone number. but, that's too much winking and i don't know if he has high-speed internet access to accomodate all the virtual nictitating. (kudos to jeffrey eugenides for introducing this lovely word to me. this book is a KEEPER!)

my plan of action: tomorrow morning, (tonight would be overly eager, at this point), i will use trin's free trial email option and send him a message giving him my real email address. and from there, who knows. thank god, he's not some 50 year old looking for a young, asian thang. more later...

Ok so to back up Fin--
Yeah it really feels like slim pickin's in cyberspace; seems like there's only white middle age men with asian fetishes out there--where are the Brothas at??
But maybe Oprah is right--maybe we need to really put ourselves out there and combat all of this negative sexist energy and turn it into something more positive.

all right. i can smell "asian fetish" whenever i see a guy's profile on match.com that says that he's only looking for "asian/pacific islander" and he's not asian or pacific islander. to remedy getting any more winks from these cyber illiterates, i'm going to have to gouge out their eyes (metaphorically). i updated my profile:

PLEASE RESPECT that i only am interested in MEN OF COLOR between the AGES Of 27-35 and don't expect me to explain why, nor to respond to messages that ignore this. also, if you're a man of color only looking for "Asian/Pacific Islander" and you are NOT Asian or Pacific Islander, i'm NOT interested. i have no patience for ASIAN FETISHISTS.

trin wants me to also sign up for matchmaker.com but i don't have the patience for the lengthy and trite questionnaire. wow. i really don't sound like i'm into this. maybe, someone will really have to land on my car hood.

OK so the new dating portal, Match.com, has a feature where you can 'wink' at someone for free, basically you tell Match.com to send them a message telling them that you are interested in them. However, to send an email, to set up a chat, you have to pay some money. The dilemma is this, what happens if you do not want to pay the $24.95 per month just to talk to someone?

Last week I winked at "CR" and he winked back. Great! Now what?
Then I realized--to take the next step he or I would have to pay to start a conversation

Pay? Since when do you have to pay to talk to someone?

Like many times in life, though, with the help of infinity we found a loophole: Try the Match.com features for free for three days. Three days. that would give me enough time to
send whatever emails I needed to with my email address.

So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and made the plunge----

I sent him a friendly email talking about a country we had in common, gave him my REAL email adress and went on with my daily business.

Later on that evening while I was checking my email I get a message: "Hi There!" Equally friendly as my inital email; he liked my name, thought it was "cool"
and started talking about his time spent in that country.

I wrote back, fighting the urge to ask a 1001 questions, making it conversational.

Will he write back?

i just got done reading another list of men who "winked" at me again on match.com. some single, recently-divorced 42-year old white man from from santa monica wrote me a message with the subject field, "No Way!" at first, i was nervous. i thought it was going to be a message of wrath for someone "offended" that i dare request men who were "down brown or darker" on my profile. instead, i get:

You don't exist...some guy is playing a trick on me...UR the woman of my dreams.

gimme a fuckin' break! i should put on my profile, "my olfactory nerves are highly attuned to sniffing out asian fetishists. please don't send me cliche drivel that i'm your 'dream' thing just because you saw 'the last samurai' and thought all us 'oriental' chicks melt upon hearing how we make your dream comes true." i'm getting really sick of the online dating thing. it's slim pickin's. at times, it's revolting.

what's my alternative? somehow, an issue of "oprah" made it past my front door and i read some article that said, "if you spend your days waking up, going to work, going home from work, going to bed and doing it all over again, some guy would have to practically throw themselves upon your car hood in order for them to get to know you." maybe, i should invite mr. santa monica man to ride my golf as i go 65.

Yes Yes, Aside from the places 'Fin" mentioned there's also NERVE.COM and the ever reliable CRAIGSLIST. ORG, where you can score a date AND a new sofa!

All kidding aside, though, this whole cyberdating has opened up so many possibilities At the touch of your keyboard and with a few clicks of your mouse you can find a possible mate, just as easy as you would find a new laptop on ebay, or a bookshelf. Is this dehumanizing or is this bringing us all closer together? ls this taking socializing to an entirely new dimension or are we deluding ourselves into avoidng the whole process of meeting someone in person: The sweaty palms, nervous glances, the awkward silences, where you are trying to decipher the other person's thoughts.

Not to say that you can't have that through e dating.

So far I've known two friends who have done e dating with great success; at the very least I hope that I can meet some really really cool people.

Allright here's my result

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

should i add this to my profiles? where's my leather?

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so far, trin and i have set up dating profiles on the following: match.com, nerve.com, and lavalife.com (well, only trin has on this one). on my profiles, i've been very specific. i've stated that i'm only willing to date someone between the ages of 27-35, who must be "down, brown or darker," but i still get 40-year old fools of pallor sending me messages saying they want to get to know me. what's the point of putting down your damn specs if no one is going to read them? UGH!! my visage is floating around so much on the internet these days that i'm afraid i'll find illegally altered "un-celebrity" nudes of myself on some porn site. wow. things to look forward to. or, more properly... things to which to look forward.

That's right- infiniti and trinity will be coming direct to ya providing up to the minute insights on dating, love and romance cyber style!
stay tuned----

in these entries, "trinity" and "infiniti" will be telling it like it is in our rollercoaster love(less) lives in separate cities. stay tuned!