is it boredom? can someone explain this to me? there's this guy, "randy" (short for "random," because he is) who i went to college with and with whom i ran in the same friend circles. i heard he was a big drunk in college... like me! after not seeing him for what--for a number of years--i bump into him to find out that lives near me. i bumped into him again last weekend on accident on the street. we hang out that night, and since then... he's been calling me and emailing me to hang out. what if he likes me? "t" tells me that perhaps he just wants to reconnect with old friends, again. what if he does like me? i don't handle unrequited like very well. whenever someone likes me and i don't feel the same, i have really bad reactions to it. sometimes, my body--beyond my control--expresses my dislike. i also get really catty and nervous. i try to push buttons--push people away. it's ugly. randy is a nice guy, but i'm not always a nice girl. i must run away and hide in my round rubber room.

THAT'S IT. i'm cursed. bad karma. no wonder i'm alone. i sound like such a bitch. a spoiled "the whole world loves me, but i don't love them" bitch. i think i over think things to much. so what, if he wants to hang out. we can hang out... but if he tries anything, i don't know how friendly i can stay. what's wrong with me?

yeah yeah. you may read some of my earlier posts here and think, "well, gee. the answers are all there! you're a misanthrope. you're socially awkward offline and online!"

i feel like a loser... losah!

Aw no, just when you thought it was safe to pull down your profile and head for da telly; guess who's back? And back with a vengenance! That's right-- it's Trin comin at ya with fresh news-- keep on readin'!

In this issue:

NYC-- what happens when two nonlinears meet?

So I get back to Cali to present at a conference. I casually mention it to NYC (remember NYC=New York Cutie) who says he may "stop by."

In the middle of the session, I see this guy slip in, wave his hand and sit down quietly! Obviously I was a bit flustered, but managed to win my ground back by asking him to introduce himself to the rest of the participants. He responded by saying that he "was on his way to a hike" and this was "just one of his stops."

One of his stops?

I have to give him points for originality, though.

We spend the next week going back and forth on email. I called him once and he didn't sound at all what I expected, I was expecting him to be a little more reserved, quiet, but he was quite chatty actually, so chatty I didn't get a chance to get a word in edgewise.

We made plans for the following saturday. That day turned out like this:

Saturday afternoon: we go to eat at an Indian restaurant, later we hit the Marina, walked on the pier, and ended the night with an undisclosed wintertime favorite drink of mine.

This is where it gets tricky.

He drew me to him and murmured "Come here" like he was going to kiss me!

On the first date?

which is what I was thinking, which is what I blurted out and held out my hand to block him.
he sort of blushed and said " I don't know, my friend told me she's in this phase where she's kissing everyone."
I looked at him, I guess a little shocked still, and said,

"Well I used to do that."

I just didn't think he had a good time, to which he replied " You don't date much do you?"

whatever that meant.

so all in all it was a good evening, despite the little awkwardnesses, like how I kept on having to use the bathroom (dammit trying to keep hydrated!)

Soooo here is what happened last weekend, our past date:

We met in the City, had pupusas at an undisclosed restaurant, checked out the local music store, and then went for a scenic drive around a local beach. The drive/walk to the water was great, punctuated by the nervous tension in between.

There were some things that came up that really made me think:
how far is this going to go?