is it boredom? can someone explain this to me? there's this guy, "randy" (short for "random," because he is) who i went to college with and with whom i ran in the same friend circles. i heard he was a big drunk in college... like me! after not seeing him for what--for a number of years--i bump into him to find out that lives near me. i bumped into him again last weekend on accident on the street. we hang out that night, and since then... he's been calling me and emailing me to hang out. what if he likes me? "t" tells me that perhaps he just wants to reconnect with old friends, again. what if he does like me? i don't handle unrequited like very well. whenever someone likes me and i don't feel the same, i have really bad reactions to it. sometimes, my body--beyond my control--expresses my dislike. i also get really catty and nervous. i try to push buttons--push people away. it's ugly. randy is a nice guy, but i'm not always a nice girl. i must run away and hide in my round rubber room.

THAT'S IT. i'm cursed. bad karma. no wonder i'm alone. i sound like such a bitch. a spoiled "the whole world loves me, but i don't love them" bitch. i think i over think things to much. so what, if he wants to hang out. we can hang out... but if he tries anything, i don't know how friendly i can stay. what's wrong with me?

yeah yeah. you may read some of my earlier posts here and think, "well, gee. the answers are all there! you're a misanthrope. you're socially awkward offline and online!"

i feel like a loser... losah!