it was suggested to me that if i don't feel comfortable calling mr. onion back, i should email him in order to get to know him better and take things slowly. my "love advisor" (now, is that with an "e" or an "o"? sorry, i'm too lazy to look it up) brought up the fact that women are oftentimes pressured to "decide" immediately whether or not they're attracted to a guy, or whether or not they'll get physically intimate with a guy, etc. she quoted robert mcnamara from the documentary, "the fog of war: eleven lessons from the life of robert s. mcnamara" when he said:

"after courting my wife for nine months, it finally started to work."(this isn't verbatim; i'm paraphrasing what my advisor probably paraphrased).

i wonder. was this one of the eleven lessons?

high five, bobby. for all you guys out there: you gotsta chill. you're better off sitting back and taking the route of the tortoise, not the hare.

regardless, i still haven't emailed mr. onion, either. it was also recommended that i work on my relationship skills by being more courteous and straightforward with guys about my true feelings. does that mean i should write mr. onion and say:

"look. i'm not sure when i want to see you in person, again, since i can't figure out if i like you, like you. so, do you mind if i not see you physically, but get to know you first as an electronic pen pal?"

who am i kidding? shit. it'll have been a week since he called and i haven't responded. at this point, an email would be insulting.

what should i do? abort mission? abort mission? infiniti to homebase. infiniti to homebase. HELP!

What do you do when you hit the point in a relationship where you have to make a decision about whether to continue to see each other exclusively or see other people?

About a week ago I made a comment to PS (also known as 'The Condiment' ) about how different we are, and that if we had not met online we probably would not have met at all in person given that our social circles are so different. The next day I received an email message from PS stating the following:

I remembered what you'd said about being the opposite of me. That's why I want to re-iterate our No Expectations policy. You should feel free to explore this thought, and any others, with other people, without feeling an iota of guilt. Western dating norms demand commitment akin to marriage from people who are far, far from that big step. The opposite should be true. People who are dating should be encouraged to explore their thoughts and feelings; not bite their lip and hope a concern or thought will vanish or prove unfounded. Anyway, I just wanted to mention this.

This is my Response:

The reason why I observed out loud that we were opposites is because that day when we hung out I saw the perfectionist in you come out. That made me a little nervous; I am by no means a perfectionist; although I take immense pride in my work. What I'm trying to say is that I am not perfect, and hope you understand that. I don't think like most people think, I don't do things the way most people do things. This might jar you, or get on your nerves, or go against your sense of logic.


After a week I did not get a response from this email. So I asked him what he thought.He explained in detail that if for some reason I wanted to have sex with another person he would not have an issue with this. Since I had not mentioned this AT ALL I asked him if that was he wanted. He responded back by saying that he had shelved the idea of having sex with one person from each race.

Aside from the sexist and racist undertones I wasn't sure how to respond. So I gave him two options:

1.) We put our relationship on hiatus and have sex with other people.
We would still go out together, email, talk on the phone, everything we've been doing up to this point except for sex. I just can't go over to your place and spend the night. In other words: I won't be able to have sex with you during this time. You decide when you want to resume our relationship.

2.) Put our relationship on hold. No emails, phone calls, no going out together. Imagine that it's as if we had never met. We have sex with other people. You decide when you want to resume the relationship back up again.

He thought I was crazy. He then explained that this was a trivial pursuit for him, nothing worth mentioning or even discussing. He then told me that if he had to choose between what the two of us had and this trivial pursuit, he would choose us, hands down.

So the agreement is that as long as we are seeing each other we do NOT have sex with other people, just like we had agreed upon before.

The issue is that the more I think about this I realize that I was putting options not just for him but also for myself. Not that I want to have sex with other men. Rather, I want to have more space to myself. I am finding that it is really easy for me to get lost when I am in a relationship.

The question is: Is it normal to want to have space in a relationship? What does that consitute? Is a hiatus a breakup in disguise?

i forgot how i created a partial profile on metrodate.com months ago, just so i can peruse its membership and see if it was worth joining. in order to see past the first page of profiles, you need to register for an account. well, i did and it was sad. a majority of the members at the time hadn't logged on within 3 months. the cyberscene was dead. imagine walking into a singles bar and finding only nicely dressed corpses. it gave me the heebee geebees--and i don't mean that english band of brothers known for their body hair and disco grooves. that would be the bee gees.

since, i wasn't planning on using the service, i just filled out the bare minimum of information without posting a picture. i'm surprised how such a bare profile can still solicit messages from guys taking a gamble. i don't get it. to describe myself, i put the same one-liner that i put under the "about me" section of my blogger profile--which isn't much, if even anything.

without my picture, according to my profile, i look like this:



one guy wrote:

"hmm... well you caught my attention. I love nerds! :-P"

considering my initial opinion of metrodate was that it was a cyber graveyard, i feel these messages are reaching me like light from a star that was been dead for a million years. ok. maybe that was a stretch. i think i should pull down my profile.

btw, i haven't called mr. onion, yet. i'm a jerk.

mr. onion called yesterday and left a message. he said that he hoped my week was productive and asked if i had plans this weekend. i haven't called him back. he did say, "give me a call when you get a chance." the question is, will i give him a chance?

i've been dreading this follow-up phone call following our first real but technically second date last saturday to "see dead people." i didn't get to know him that much more on that particular date since we spent most of the time directing our attention to lifeless human tissue displays. how were we to talk life if we were surrounded by death?

that was a bit too cliche and unnecessarily dramatic.

really, we were surrounded by clinical death. everything was clean. the dead body sculptures of that freaky gunther von hagens were nice and tidy. i even held a human lung; it felt like a nerf ball.

if i'm dreading his calls, is it because i'm not feeling too attracted to him, or is it because i may not be ready to date right now? how do i know how attracted i could be to him unless i go out on more dates?

this is ridiculous. why the hell is my profile up if i don't want to date anybody or get to know anybody new? i need to snap out of it. maybe i'm just too lazy. maybe i'm getting too used to being single. maybe i just don't like him. maybe i'm just too picky. definitely, this is too much of a neurotic inner monologue for me, right now.

stop. hammer time.