9.16.2004
Where am I??
I'm lost.
I was talking on the phone with MR. CONDIMENT and I realized that there is something wrong. I could not talk! All I was doing was listening.
And then it hit me.
For the past months I have been in a relationship with a man who has no idea who I really am.
After the hiatus question and a handful of other incidents I can't help but feel like I am giving up much more than I had planned. In the process I have lost my own sense of who I am and what is important for me.
Why is it so easy for a woman to compromise and give up so much of what is a part of herself than it is for a man? Why is it that a woman is expected to put aside her goals, values, principles
her LIFE for the needs of another man?
Granted I'm not saying that anyone is putting a gun to my head; however, I've realized that I am internalizing a lot of expectations of what a 'girlfriend' means. Being a girlfriend does not mean prioritizing your man over your friends, family and other people who love you for who you are. After stewing about this for a while I wrote an email to the Condiment. Here is a piece of it:
.....I think that we are two different stages in our life. You are satisfied with where you are. I am not. I have a lot more that I want to accomplish. It will take me at least a few more years to get to where I need to be.
I also feel like recently, except for the last time we were together I haven't really been myself around you. I forgot if I told you this or not but it's really easy for me to lose myself in relationships, in the sense that I cede many of my beliefs and values without realizing it. The last thing I want to do is be one of those women who identifies who she is by her boyfriend or significant other. That's why I was so hesitant in calling you my boyfriend, because I knew, intuitively that once I did I would be be letting myself go for the benefit of the relationship.
I don't think it's about the Condiment, I think this is about not feeling like I have a voice at all.
The question is, how do you stay in a relationship without losing your identity and a sense of who you are?
I was talking on the phone with MR. CONDIMENT and I realized that there is something wrong. I could not talk! All I was doing was listening.
And then it hit me.
For the past months I have been in a relationship with a man who has no idea who I really am.
After the hiatus question and a handful of other incidents I can't help but feel like I am giving up much more than I had planned. In the process I have lost my own sense of who I am and what is important for me.
Why is it so easy for a woman to compromise and give up so much of what is a part of herself than it is for a man? Why is it that a woman is expected to put aside her goals, values, principles
her LIFE for the needs of another man?
Granted I'm not saying that anyone is putting a gun to my head; however, I've realized that I am internalizing a lot of expectations of what a 'girlfriend' means. Being a girlfriend does not mean prioritizing your man over your friends, family and other people who love you for who you are. After stewing about this for a while I wrote an email to the Condiment. Here is a piece of it:
.....I think that we are two different stages in our life. You are satisfied with where you are. I am not. I have a lot more that I want to accomplish. It will take me at least a few more years to get to where I need to be.
I also feel like recently, except for the last time we were together I haven't really been myself around you. I forgot if I told you this or not but it's really easy for me to lose myself in relationships, in the sense that I cede many of my beliefs and values without realizing it. The last thing I want to do is be one of those women who identifies who she is by her boyfriend or significant other. That's why I was so hesitant in calling you my boyfriend, because I knew, intuitively that once I did I would be be letting myself go for the benefit of the relationship.
I don't think it's about the Condiment, I think this is about not feeling like I have a voice at all.
The question is, how do you stay in a relationship without losing your identity and a sense of who you are?
