a man claiming to be a "sexy sock puppet" sent me a message today on nerve.com. wait... let me clarify -- on the spring street networks (which could be from some member of nerve, salon.com, or the onion). he made witty responses to all the answers on my profile (and here it goes) BUT, his headline didn't make his bald head forgivable. now, i'm not saying that i wouldn't date a bald guy, i would. (here we go again) BUT, his headline read:

HAVE HER BATHED AND BROUGHT TO MY TENT

WRONG, WHITE BOY, WRONG! perhaps this colonial rapist reference is charming in his homeland (his ethnicity was specified as "mid-westerner") but when your people historically serve as the direct object of his people's action verbs, then it ain't funny.

he referenced my citing of "barbarella" as a movie showcasing my favorite sex scene (it really isn't) by saying, "if you'll be my barbarella, i'll be your duran duran."

i wrote him back:

"perhaps in your hometown in the midwest your colonial rapist reference of "have her bathed and brought to my tent" will fly as something witty and charming, but for this lady, it sure as hell won't.

i'll take artistic license to say that barbarella would not want your duran duran: too bad you wasted your credit on this infiniti."

then, i ceremoniously BLOCKED his ass. (blowing gunsmoke)